When I think of family discipleship, my mind jumps to those first days of parenthood. The days in the hospital after the birth of my son were full of excitement, first-time experiences, low-level fear, and nurses constantly checking on our boy. Time seemed to slow down. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, they cut off our wristbands and told us to go home. What?! I couldn’t believe they’d let us leave with this little human being. But that’s precisely what they wanted my wife and me to do. One of the kind nurses led us to the entrance of the building and waved goodbye as we drove away. Who would help us when the baby cried in the middle of the night?
I was convinced that the most challenging part of parenting was enduring those sleepless nights and never-ending diaper changes. Now that our boys are getting a little older, my wife and I have realized that the challenge wasn’t just keeping them alive and well—it was, and is, to point them toward Jesus daily.
That’s where family discipleship comes in.
As parents, we’re given the extraordinary task of training our children to know, love, obey, and serve the Lord. We know that God is at work with our kids. And we also know that we have a God-given charge to disciple them on their spiritual journey. Sometimes, though, it’s hard to know where to start.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.“
My goal is to offer you a biblical guide to encourage you in this important task.
What is Discipleship?
Every person who puts their faith in Jesus Christ is his disciple.
The Greek word disciple is translated as “learner” or “follower.”
A follower of Jesus is learning from Him how to think, live, respond, engage, and make more disciples. Dallas Willard defines discipleship as the process of becoming who Jesus would be if he were you. I’m drawn to this description because it highlights the reality that followers of Jesus are disciples of the best disciple-maker. That is, Jesus Christ.
Half of the task of discipleship is a commitment to the process of being spiritually formed more into the image of Jesus.
2 Corinthians 3:18 “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”
In this verse, Paul describes the process of sanctification. It takes place as we slowly—and sometimes painfully—grow more into the image of Jesus. This happens as we spend time in Scripture, confess our sins, practice spiritual disciplines, and commit to a local church.
The other half of the task is making more disciples.
Matthew 28:18-20 “And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
Jesus commissions ALL of his followers to be disciple-makers. Whether you are in full-time ministry, part of the workforce, or at home raising your kids, discipleship is essential. Each situation offers unique opportunities to live out your faith as a disciple and make new disciples.
What Makes it Family Discipleship?
Family discipleship is the intentional process by which parents take their growth in Christ seriously, guide their children to know Jesus, and facilitate their growth as disciples of Jesus.
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11:1 “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”
Just like Paul, we tell our children, with our words and example, to follow us as we follow Christ. We’re challenging our children to follow our example as we follow the example of Jesus. That feels like a gutsy move. What if I mess up? Did I communicate the right things to my kids? Will my kids think I’m a hypocrite?
These are good questions, but we can’t let these feelings hold us back from the task.
To move forward in confidence, we need to get back to the basics of the Christian life. We must remind ourselves where the power to live the Christian life comes from. Our confidence as followers of Jesus and leaders of our family is based on the work that God the Father accomplished through his Son on our behalf and the power applied to us through the Holy Spirit. In Ephesians 2:8+9, Paul says, “For by grace you have been saved by faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not the result of works, so that no one may boast.”
We live the Christian life by grace through faith. We parent our children and lead them to Jesus by grace through faith. How we love, live, and guide our children matters greatly. But God is the primary one at work in our kids.
One difference between church discipleship and family discipleship is that, with the family at home, the one doing the leading and the one being discipled have the advantage of time and proximity.
So why is this so important?
When Jesus was leading his disciples, he also had the advantage of time and proximity. He traveled with them, served with them, preached alongside them, ate meals with them, and enjoyed the everyday moments of life with them. The Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John certainly give us snapshots of major ministry moments, but we know they enjoyed plenty of downtime that was never recorded in the Bible.
Capitalize on this unique season of life by prioritizing time at home with your family. You get to spend time eating, reading, laughing, encouraging, being creative, talking, and even being bored with each other. These are the moments when questions are asked and kids build connections by discussing the significant things happening in their lives.
Why Is Family Discipleship Important?
Family discipleship matters because the stakes are high for our children. We have a tremendous opportunity to influence our kids for Jesus; we don’t want to miss this! Here, we have a growth opportunity and the potential of a missed opportunity. We can influence our kids for Jesus or allow the culture around us to disciple our kids. My wife and I desire our boys to know, love, and serve Jesus. We don’t want to squander our time and proximity with our kids. We want to love, teach, and guide them to follow Jesus.
Before I dreamed of starting DiscipleshipCliff, I served in ministry for 20+ years in youth ministry and as an assistant pastor. One important theme I observed was that the students who went on to college and young adulthood to follow Jesus were primarily those with parents who took their children’s discipleship seriously.
I watched this process happen many times over my years in ministry. Parents loved their kids, taught them about Jesus, and took them to church. The church provided opportunities for worship, intergenerational ministry, fellowship, and encouragement for parents. Instead of competing with the family for more time with their kids, it would now be a collaborative relationship.
How to Practice Family Discipleship
The truth is that the discipleship process is going to look different for every family because every family is different. But past experience and wisdom offer up some great practices that families have used to raise Jesus-loving kids.
Here is a non-exhaustive list of practical ways to practice family discipleship:
Study the Bible Together
The Bible is one of the primary ways God reveals himself to us and teaches us how to live. Knowing this, family Bible reading needs to be a priority.
2 Timothy 3:16-17 “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.”
Read the Bible with your kids. Find an appropriate Bible study that your family can work through together. (Try out my Colossians Bible study!) I think the most important thing here is to just start studying.
Be Involved in a Local Church
So many discipleship activities can happen at home. In fact, family discipleship at home is a big part of this article. However, family discipleship at home is not meant to replace the local church.
Hebrews 10:24+25 “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
The local church allows your family to worship, hear good preaching, experience intergenerational fellowship, and find a place to serve. We need the local church for our families to thrive.
Keep the Door of Communication Open
Kids need to know that they can talk to their parents about anything. When kids are young, it’s pretty typical for them to tell you everything going on in their minds. As kids grow up and become more aware of their own sinful natures, it gets more difficult and rare. As parents, we need to set the tone for our home and show our children, with our words and actions, that we are here to help.
Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Let’s create a safe place and build them up.
Build an Integrated Life Together at Home
A Godly and loving family life offers our kids many good things. Parents can teach kids what it feels like to be safe. Moms and dads can communicate the character of God in the way they love and discipline. Parents can teach the Bible. Kids can learn how to work through conflict. Kids can learn how to tell the truth. Discipleship moments in our home aren’t just about scheduled Bible studies or prayer times—they’re about weaving spiritual formation into the fabric of everyday life. Building a life together means creating rhythms where faith is lived out in the ordinary moments: at meals, in how conflicts are dealt with, and in learning to serve each other.
Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”
Commit to Pray Together
We need to teach our kids how to pray, but it’s just as important to show them how to pray. This works best with my family as we have set times to pray daily, like at meals and prayer time after family devotions. Prayer also happens in the moment, like when someone wakes up from a bad dream, before something special at school, a big event, or during any stressful moment.
I think prayer is one of those vital parts of the Christian life that can’t just be taught programmatically. You teach, and you practice it. Day after day. You pray WITH your family, FOR your family, and you pray on your own.
Philippians 4:6+7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Make prayer a consistent habit in your home.
Plan Pivotal Moments and Conversations
Some of the most meaningful discipleship opportunities with our kids come during the significant moments of life—a new baby being born into your family, starting a school year, birthdays, trying a new sport, hitting double digits in age, entering middle or high school, getting a license, and graduating. Our kids are especially receptive to our words and challenges in these moments, so let’s use them to influence them toward Jesus.
Overcoming the Challenges of Family Discipleship
Challenge #1: Feelings of Inadequacy
Parenting can be a source of great joy. I genuinely hope you have found this joy and experienced moments of confidence in your parenting journey. But we often feel inadequate in fulfilling the task. That’s because many aspects of parenting are unpredictable, out of our control, and plain tricky. We can’t force our kids to be obedient, love us, or come to faith in God. I’m not sure any parent has been able to punish their kids into the Kingdom of God. It’s a heart issue.
Our kids need the Holy Spirit to break through the hardness of their hearts. Only then can the Word of God fill them with hope and lead them to repentance. This challenge can become an excellent opportunity for us, as parents, because it will drive us to seek the Lord in earnest prayer, confident faith, and trust that He is in control.
Sometimes, the feeling of inadequacy comes from a genuine lack of experience. If you are a first-time parent or you’re taking family discipleship seriously for the first time, you might feel that everyone around you knows what they’re doing except you. I’ve learned a simple truth: A follower of Jesus doesn’t need to know everything before starting. It’s a learning process. God is with you. The Holy Spirit is at work. It’s a learn-as-you-go situation. And in the process, ask for help or find a mentor who is a step ahead of you in parenting.
Challenge #2: Pride
Another challenge I have encountered, both by observation and personal experience, is the desire to bring glory to myself instead of reflecting it to God. Let me explain. There is a part of us that feels inadequate. But another side of us is full of pride and arrogance. How can this be? How can a person be inadequate in one moment and then overqualified soon after? The indwelling sin that continues to reside in believers leads us to convince ourselves that we are wiser, godlier, and more in control than is actually true. I’d like to recommend a tool that has been around for over 350 years. That tool is the Westminster Shorter Catechism. It’s in a question-and-answer format and offers biblical, theological, and practical guidance for following the Lord. Try it out:
Question #1: What is the chief end of man?
Answer: Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and enjoy him forever.
Our goal, as human beings, is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. It’s all about God and his glory. It’s not about you, me, or us. I think you will find much freedom when you allow that truth to settle in your mind. Our journey as disciples of Jesus and the path we are taking our kids along is not a journey of self-fulfillment. The goal is to bring God glory, and as a result, we will enjoy him forever. Our ultimate aim has always been joy, but our path did not achieve the desired outcome. The path that God lays out for us brings him glory and brings us more joy than we thought was possible.
Challenge #3: An Over-Programmed Life
The final challenge I want to mention is the danger of an over-programmed life. Earlier in this article, I wrote that time and proximity are advantages of family discipleship in the home. I value this advantage so much that I also feel comfortable saying that busyness is one of the biggest challenges of family discipleship. When our schedules get over-programmed with sports, play dates, and even church activities, we minimize the value of time and proximity in our homes, which could lead to family discipleship moments. I’m not suggesting that we stay away from outside-the-home activities. Our kids need to spend time with other kids their age and other adults who care about them. What I’m really calling for is wisdom. It’s going to look different for every family. Count the cost. Keep Jesus central. Make sure you have time left for your family to be together.
Conclusion/Next Steps
Family discipleship is a journey, not a checklist. You don’t have to do it perfectly–you just need to start. Here are a few ways you can take a step forward today:
- Plan a night this week to read the Bible as a family. If you have young kids, I recommend the Jesus Storybook Bible or The Biggest Story Bible Storybook.
- Look for opportunities to pray with your kids.
- Plan a night of the week for everyone to be home together – Play games, go for a walk, or anything else that brings you all together.
- Check out my Colossians Bible Study on this site.
- Subscribe to the blog (at the bottom of each post) so you don’t miss out on helpful articles, resources, and encouragement.
Every small step matters. Let’s walk this road together, keeping our eyes on Jesus as we lead our children to do the same.
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